There are things that matter and we think they don’t.
There are things that don’t matter much and we think they do.
It’s not that we purposely set out to ignore important things or elevate unimportant things. We just get busy and busier. Before we know it there’s a skewed sense of priorities.
We forget what we’ll wish we’d done when we’re fifty-three or seventy-two.
In the daily-ness of wiping noses and grocery shopping and genuine exhaustion we somehow lose the vision. We forget what we’ll be glad we did when we’re drawing our last breaths. Or sitting at the bedside of a loved one drawing theirs.
There’s nothing like a crisis to help us sort out which is which. I’m grateful that we’re not in a season of crisis. But watching Facebook acquaintances walk through the valley of the shadow of cancer and the death of children has given me a little shot of perspective lately.
And speaking of perspective, here’s a personal, off-the-top-of-my-head, short list of things that matter:
- Hugs
- Changing diapers with love rather than impatience, even when the diaper wearer is three years old
- Paying attention to my husband and thinking about him during the day
- Speaking well of my children to others, especially when those children can overhear
- Oohing and aahing over Lego creations and stick drawings and dandelions clutched in a sweaty little fist
- Making the effort to make holidays special, even the small ones
- Fun in the master bedroom on a frequent basis
- Helping people feel special on their birthday
- Being kind to bedwetters
Things that don’t matter much:
- Watching other people live life on TV and Pinterest instead of living my own
- Impressing other homeschool moms with my children’s accomplishments
- Complaining about how I feel
- Letting how I feel determine how hard I try to treat others well
- Fingerprints on doorframes and refrigerators
- Finishing workbooks and perfecting handwriting at the cost of personal relationships
- Constantly pushing children with what they need to do better rather than encouraging them with what they do well
- Ignoring my husband, figuring he’s a big boy
The lists could go on, of course. If you think of something to add, please do.
Charlotte Siems
Latest posts by Charlotte Siems (see all)
- What to Do When You Are Struggling: Beginner Lessons - June 17, 2013
- Ten Random Thoughts (With Helpful Nuggets) - June 13, 2013
- Summer Wedding Shower Ideas - June 10, 2013
Thank you Charlotte! I needed to read this today!
xoxo
Janie
Thanks for a great post, Charlotte. I am adding this thought to my list of favorite quotations.
Your comment, “Letting how I feel determine how hard I try to treat others well,” struck a chord. Seeing my husband off on the plane the other day, I stood in awe of the woman behind the check-in desk. She wore a big smile most of the time, greeted everyone warmly and brightly, and had a friendly word for everyone, including the baggage handler. She helped us relax about our problem, and everyone around became more congenial from her influence.
I wondered how hard it was to do that. I could not picture me making myself smile that big, being that outgoing and unfailingly cheerful and helpful. Just overcoming the daily grind enough to be mildly pleasant takes a big effort, it seems to me— but going the extra mile to make someone else’s day better…. whoa. Can it be done? She proved that it could.
This is great. I just turned 40 and was depressed about what I have missed out on and not accomplished. I was driving to an appointment and on the radio, the lady was asking callers to call in and tell her their dream job. Wow. I couldn’t really say right at first what it was. After a few days it dawned on me that I am working and living my dream job. I’m a teacher, I’m a mother, I’m a counselor, I teach music theory, and I’m a wife. That is everything I was dreaming about when I was 17. And all because I’m a homeschooling mom. I had lost my perspective. It is so easy to get out of focus isn’t it?! I really appreciated this!
I know what you’re saying, Leah! I remind myself that I’m living my dream life–I always wanted to be a stay-home Mom and a teacher!
Beautiful, Gayle. Thanks for sharing–inspired me!