Writing a book on parenting has never been on my list of goals in life. It might make the list if I ever felt like I knew what I was doing, but the more children we’ve had, the less I know. There are many conflicting opinions on parenting and people waste a lot of time arguing, so I usually avoid the whole topic, preferring to sit on the shore and stay dry.
Still, raising seven kids to adulthood—with only five to go—I’ve noticed some things that worked along the way. Our children have been generally happy and mostly well-behaved, although definitely human.
Unfortunately there have been times when I expected them to behave better than I do.
Eyes closed, talking fast before I chicken out, here are three tips for happy kids:
1. Set limits. Children are like pinballs, bouncing to see where they hit and what will stop them. They may not act like it at the time, but they feel safe and loved when someone sets limits. Out-of-control kids are unhappy kids.
2. Stay positive about their other parent. It is painful and scary for a child to hear criticism and disgust aimed at a parent, most especially when it is spoken by the other parent. Find a trusted mentor to counsel you through your frustration and problems. Don’t use your children as a sounding board—that load is too heavy for kids. (Bonus tip: this goes for talking about your church and pastor, too.)
3. Let them have some free time. A quiet afternoon at home, unscheduled blocks of time to play and create, and time to just “be” are invaluable childhood experiences. Be aware of where they are and keep an eye on them, but don’t interrupt or embarrass them. Children benefit from some “hands-off” parenting sometimes.
Whew! Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I can do tips for happy kids. It’s a little like dipping my toe in the water without getting in all the way.
Your thoughts are welcome—please leave a comment below.
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Charlotte Siems
I'm a happy wife and mom of 12 who lost 100 pounds, shrinking from size 22W to 6 with the T-Tapp workout. I've homeschooled for 26 years, baked a million cookies, taught T-Tapp and kept things together (and mostly sane) at home. I love to help people find practical, real-life solutions for home, family, fitness and business--no guilt or perfection needed!
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From a mom of twelve (with one on the way), who completely and totally agrees with your statement that the more I have, the less I know, I have to say that I love your three points. I agree that these are three of the most important things you can give your child. Excellent!
Great tips! Especcially number three, also I have found that in addition to unscheduled time my children need some space to be alone every now and then. And sometimes I need to help make that happen when younger siblings always want to tag along
Coming from a mother of only one child, your tips and musings really help me to stay present in my daughter’s life. And my husband’s! Especially your post about “these small hours” … I love it and read it often. Childhood is fleeting … 7 turns into 47 in the blink of any eye … just ask my Mom!
Thanks for being brave! Love your tips.
Nr 2 is especially thought-making.