Teaching Sophie to read has been an unexpectedly joyful experience. We’ve only been at it for three weeks but her enthusiasm has continued unabated. She is our twelfth and last child, so this task is somewhat bittersweet and definitely an accomplishment, the last in a long line of phonics lessons and listening to “cat sat on a mat.”
As the 51-year-old mother of a five-year-old, you could say that I’m in tune with the fleeting nature of childhood. When we were all younger, I was often impatient and despairing during endless reading lessons. Now I’ve learned to enjoy the last moments of teaching one of my children to read, especially one who gets so excited over every sound.
Listening to a new reader stumble over lists of words has always been a struggle for me. The hardest part is staying awake. Someone suggested that I record it and sell it as a sleep aid. Hmmm.
When I say that Sophie gets excited about new sounds it’s not an exaggeration. I realize this emotional reaction will soon give way to everyday “do I have to,” but for now I’m struck by the self-congratulation on every letter sounded correctly, every word figured out. She claps her hands or makes a little squeak of excitement every time. It takes longer, but it’s a funny way to spend the time.
Today while Sophie partied through her lesson, I wondered what would happen if we celebrated all of the things we do right. What if, instead of continually striving for the things we haven’t done yet, we stopped to pat ourselves on the back for the things we did get done?
Your subconscious mind hears your thoughts and only knows what you tell it. It can’t tell the difference between truth and a lie. If you continually feed your mind aggravation over the undone items on the to-do list or rising stress over tomorrow’s undone tasks, it will oblige you by creating aggravation and stress. Your subconscious will make sure you get what you’re thinking about.
Let’s try an experiment. Just for today, stay aware of every task you accomplish. It could be as simple as showering and getting dressed. Then, make sure you acknowledge and congratulate yourself for it. You don’t have to write a blog post about it or reward yourself with a trip to Hawaii. Just think a thought of gratefulness and a quick “attagirl!”
Sometime today, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “You’re doing a great job, [your name].” This may feel a little weird, but try it.
Continue through the day, focusing on all the little things you’re getting done, then thinking thoughts of kindness to yourself. Note how you feel as the day progresses. If any thoughts of self-criticism crowd in, nip them in the bud and turn them into thoughts of grace for yourself. Grace wins every time, you know.
Last, notice how giving yourself thanks and praise and grace makes it easier to extend the same to others. See if you feel calmer and more rested by the end of the day.
Sophie is in kindergarten so she has many years of learning ahead. I hope that, along with learning to read and write, she keeps her excitement over the little things she accomplishes. Meanwhile, I’m learning more from her than she learns from me.
12 Comments
I thank you, Charlotte, for pointing this out. You are right, we need to give ourselves praise when we do something good, without giving in to pride (it’s a fine line; sometimes I find myself thinking I did REALLY good, and The feeling is so good, that I don’t want to lose control. And usually over something so simple as throwing a piece of paper and having it go in the trash can! LOL )
But seriously, I DO often neglect really noticing when I accomplish something to which I have set my mind. For example, the other day I noticed how good I felt (physically) after doing the workout, but I did not really notice that I was able to get through the whole thing and acknowledge that I did a good job by being persistent, etc. I also do not give myself grace when I get off track, or don’t do well some of the time. I have noticed hormones play a BIG role in this, so I try to notice if I am feeling down or negative what time of the month it is, and then remind myself that the thoughts I am having are just a result of body chemistry, not truth.
I have just recently purchased your book on Children Doing Chores, and I have already noticed a difference when I give my children praise for doing their jobs correctly, and in a timely manner. I am also fighting the feeling to want to criticize when they don’t do it exactly right. So I can see how it will work for me as well. We usually believe ourselves more than we believe others anyway.
Charlotte, I wish I could tell you what an inspiration you are to me. I read your all your writings like my life depends upon it. You are the one who inspired me to T-Tapp. I am a busy mom with 4 littles and this is my first official year of homeschooling. I have told myself negative things for years and this article makes me teary as I realize the harm and disfavor I have done to myself and my family. I have felt so overwhelmed and discouraged and it hinders life! THANKS!!
I am eating up all you’ve said and blogged about the way we talk to ourselves. Your personal example of seasons of self-growth has been inspirational and I’m dubbing this season for me as one of ‘thought control’. With the hormones, life season changes, and mid-life ponderings and evaluations, I easily gravitate to my failures. Counter-productive! Thanks for continuing to give us truth and encouragement in this area!
Well just the idea of congratulating myself brings tears to my eyes just now. The house is a mess and I am going back and forth over getting your teleseminar. I did order the chore book but I wonder what it will do for my indifferent teens. I have tried to raise them to be helpful but now they just seem done with that. I think I will try congratulating myself because I sure need it, even for a piece of trash picked up off the floor.
Someone once told me to make a list at the end of the day of all the things I did during the day (a “done” list) and I was truly amazed at how all the “little” things added up when I felt I had done “nothing” that day…changing diapers, reading to a toddler, homeschooling, reading the bible with my children, preparing meals, laundry etc. All of the little things add up to “big things”- not in the world’s eye but in the Lord’s Eye and for my family. Thank you for reminding me of this. I have a really hard time with congratulating myself or even thinking kind things about myself. I know I am not alone in this….
This is a timely word. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and observations. Why is it so hard to give ourselves grace? Why am I so hard on myself? I am going to look in the mirror as you suggested and say ‘good job.’ I appreciate your posts!
Great post! I have had to discipline myself to take a moment to step back and enjoy something I’ve done. Something as simple as making the bed or cleaning the bathroom… if I just step back and look at that for a minute it gives me a little jolt of happiness. It’s going to get messed up so quickly!
Sometimes when making my to do list, I add items I’ve already completed and check them off and strike them through with relish. It makes me feel good. LOL
I thank you, Charlotte, for pointing this out. You are right, we need to give ourselves praise when we do something good, without giving in to pride (it’s a fine line; sometimes I find myself thinking I did REALLY good, and The feeling is so good, that I don’t want to lose control. And usually over something so simple as throwing a piece of paper and having it go in the trash can! LOL )
But seriously, I DO often neglect really noticing when I accomplish something to which I have set my mind. For example, the other day I noticed how good I felt (physically) after doing the workout, but I did not really notice that I was able to get through the whole thing and acknowledge that I did a good job by being persistent, etc. I also do not give myself grace when I get off track, or don’t do well some of the time. I have noticed hormones play a BIG role in this, so I try to notice if I am feeling down or negative what time of the month it is, and then remind myself that the thoughts I am having are just a result of body chemistry, not truth.
I have just recently purchased your book on Children Doing Chores, and I have already noticed a difference when I give my children praise for doing their jobs correctly, and in a timely manner. I am also fighting the feeling to want to criticize when they don’t do it exactly right. So I can see how it will work for me as well. We usually believe ourselves more than we believe others anyway.
So true–we believe how we’re “coaching” ourselves!
Thank you Charlotte,
This is one of my hardest things….celebration. I’m bad at it and I know it so this was a good reminder for me.
Okay, so now you have to tell us something you’re good at! 🙂
Charlotte, I wish I could tell you what an inspiration you are to me. I read your all your writings like my life depends upon it. You are the one who inspired me to T-Tapp. I am a busy mom with 4 littles and this is my first official year of homeschooling. I have told myself negative things for years and this article makes me teary as I realize the harm and disfavor I have done to myself and my family. I have felt so overwhelmed and discouraged and it hinders life! THANKS!!
Tancy, I’m so glad to encourage and inspire you! These are wonderful, but busy, years at home with little ones. Best wishes to you and your familiy!
Thank you Charlotte!
I am eating up all you’ve said and blogged about the way we talk to ourselves. Your personal example of seasons of self-growth has been inspirational and I’m dubbing this season for me as one of ‘thought control’. With the hormones, life season changes, and mid-life ponderings and evaluations, I easily gravitate to my failures. Counter-productive! Thanks for continuing to give us truth and encouragement in this area!
Well just the idea of congratulating myself brings tears to my eyes just now. The house is a mess and I am going back and forth over getting your teleseminar. I did order the chore book but I wonder what it will do for my indifferent teens. I have tried to raise them to be helpful but now they just seem done with that. I think I will try congratulating myself because I sure need it, even for a piece of trash picked up off the floor.
Someone once told me to make a list at the end of the day of all the things I did during the day (a “done” list) and I was truly amazed at how all the “little” things added up when I felt I had done “nothing” that day…changing diapers, reading to a toddler, homeschooling, reading the bible with my children, preparing meals, laundry etc. All of the little things add up to “big things”- not in the world’s eye but in the Lord’s Eye and for my family. Thank you for reminding me of this.
I have a really hard time with congratulating myself or even thinking kind things about myself. I know I am not alone in this….
Blessings to you, Charlotte!
This is a timely word. Thank you for sharing your personal experiences and observations. Why is it so hard to give ourselves grace? Why am I so hard on myself? I am going to look in the mirror as you suggested and say ‘good job.’ I appreciate your posts!
Great post! I have had to discipline myself to take a moment to step back and enjoy something I’ve done. Something as simple as making the bed or cleaning the bathroom… if I just step back and look at that for a minute it gives me a little jolt of happiness. It’s going to get messed up so quickly!
Sometimes when making my to do list, I add items I’ve already completed and check them off and strike them through with relish. It makes me feel good. LOL
Ha! I do the same thing with the to-do list!